Today I was matched with a superhero

eHarmony has been going really slow lately. All the people I've been communicating with haven't made a move in 2-3 days. eHarmony up until a couple of days ago would send me about 4-5 matches a day. Lately I've been getting none.

Until today...

Storm was his name. I only wish I was kidding. Storm is passionate about stopping evil people from doing evil things. The most influential person is his life was the unknown hero or heroine who helps a stranger through a time of crisis and then disappears. The first thing one would notice about him when they met him were that his eyes were hazel and dreamy. Of his list of 5 things he can't live without one was sharing sexual fantasies.

My biggest disappointment was that there were no pictures! After making such a mockery of everything else why didn't he post a silly photo of him in tights and a cape? Maybe then i would have actually wrote!

So yeah... High quality match there. I considered it for a second because I do have a thing for superheros. But since they don't exist in reality I decided to close the match. eHarmony gives options of reasons why you want to close the match to send to the person. I chose the most ridiculous I could find. "The distance between us is too great" (he lives in SD). "The difference in age is too great" (he's 31). Then our difference in values and family background is too great.

eHarmony isn't all that cheap. I was trying to understand why someone would waste their money making a bogus profile. My current theory is that he tried it for real for a while. He hated it and thought women only wanted superheros or something. Gave up and left up a bogus profile for the remainder of his contract.

This weekend - Joshua Tree!! Woot!
Monday - I start my new class. I'm taking a class called Public Relations Tools and Tactics. I hope it's not *too* much work! I've got a lot going on in the next couple of months!

phew!

As much as I try to act nonchalant about guys I was very much relieved when ecology guy responded to my email. (I emailed him first because his b'day was Monday and it just seemed like the right thing to do). We're both too busy to meet up before he leaves on his trip, but he did say he definitely wants to get together when he gets back. So my perception of what he was thinking post-date was accurate. Phew! I'll let it simmer on the back burner until late April when he gets back.

I'm still communicating with others on eHarmony, but it's back go going slow. Some guys I just don't know what to think about. Actually I do, but I'm trying to not be judgemental. Some seem obnoxious in various ways. One comes across as overbearing and asked in his second questions "what was your worst date like?", another is a bartender and has that cheesy 'i'm so sexy' attitude in his face (I don't think he's all that sexy). One guy (maybe I mentioned him before -the one who wasn't cool with any opposite sex friends) asked in his second questions "if your life was a movie which one would it be and who would play you". Come on! Who gives a crap about that kind of stuff? I never answered, and he closed the match.

Overall though, the matches are not all that bad. Much better than my options were at yahoo personals a couple years back.

Joshua Tree this weekend!! Woot!!

What to make of a date...

So after a date - all your friends want to know how it went, what you thought, if you kissed. All that good stuff. Everyone has a different reaction to how you talk about the date. Using my most recent experience as an example - I tell my friends that he was nice and I'm not sure what I think just yet, but will go out with him again and take it from there. Some friends will say things like - oh that's great! sounds like it went well; I'm glad you're being open minded and not dismissing him even though you're not sure. Others will say things like - oh, you don't sound that excited; it must have not been all that great; better luck next time. So which is right? My assessment of him 5 minutes in to the date was no different than it was 2 hours later. Does that mean it's unlikely to change after more dates?

Here's what I think, but it's based on very little on my personal experiences.
- You can connect instantly - something about the person (in addition to looks) draws you in
and hopefully they're drawn to you too.
- If it doesn't happen right away it can still happen, but takes much much longer to cultivate.
Like being friends first or something.

Can both options lead to a long lasting relationship?
If the first option happened to me could I even trust it was anything more than lust?
Would/Could I let someone new in enough for the second option to even be possible?

Since I have no clue - my plan is to keep doors open to people who are nice looking (even if there's no initial OMG!! attraction) and reasonably nice and interesting (even if they're not "cool" or edgy).

sleep

I fell asleep at about 7PM last night (or earlier!) and I didn't get out of bed until 7:30 this morning! Guess I was tired?!

I went to the zoo yesterday (maybe the sun knocked me out). The weather was great! I saw a baby gorilla being dragged around by its parents. Then it's dad or someone was play fighting with it. Essentially knocking it down waiting for it to get back up! Sort of looked abusive, but I think it was ok. We also saw an Alaskan Brown Bear pretty active. It was walking around eating grass. Amazing to see it so close up!! I also learned there were pygmie hippos in addition to their big hippos! My sister will flip when she hears there are more hippos! She loves them more than a normal person should love hippos :) Apparently one of the pygmies is pregnant. I don't think the pregnant one was out there though. I did see one shake it's ears though - it's pretty cute when that happens :)

the scoop

Ok so like I said, my nerves get totally shot before these things. During these things I'm totally fine. Well - sometimes I have difficulty forming complete sentences and feel like I sound like an idiot. Other than that the actual feeling of anxiety is gone.

So I went out with ecology guy tonight. He's actually pretty nice. I'm not totally sold, but I'd definitely go out with him again to see. He pretty much looks how he did in his pictures. I guess what pictures don't translate are mannerisms etc. I'll have to see in future encounters how I feel. Personality wise from what I can tell he's nice, he has cool interests (photography, his work, football), wants to explore more of the area (he's new to it) - so could be a good hiking or dining partner. So yeah - overall it went well I think. I think he's up for going out again and so am I so we'll see how it goes.

I still think however that I should keep my options open and talk to other people until I/we have made a decision either way. I'll keep emailing the other guy and maybe try to meet up with him and see what sort of vibe I get.

Funny story. After dinner I went home - was bored so IMd my cousin. We went to Shakespeares knowing that a group of friends would meet up with us about an hour later. When the friends show up they were sort of surprised to see me with my cousin knowing that I had been on a date earlier that evening. UNCOMFORTABLE!!! We eventually convinced them that I was no longer on my date and just having a drink with my cousin. I think he was a little disturbed ;)

nerves

As much as I know it'll "be ok" etc... my nerves still get a bit shot before a first date. I guess before dates, presentations, exams, and fantasy football drafts I'll get a little anxious, but once I get going I get in a groove and all is well. I guess it only became real until now because now I need to start the ritual all women go through of beautifying themselves before dates. So I'm procrastinating by writing this entry and drinking a glass of wine.

Wii + old people = adorable!

I'm a dork, but this article gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. I guess some people in an old folks home got hold of a Wii and really like it. One woman said she had nostalgia of her days playing tennis in high school. How cute!!

CNN: "Retirees find Wii not just for the grandkids"

Ecology vs. E. coli

My sister thinks ecology looks like it should really read: E. coli .

Apparently this is what she thinks of my date tomorrow:

Nice.

everyone hates val and other adventures

So my cousins now likely hate me. I think my sister does too since I sent her a myspace message asking her why she never hooked up with this hot friend of hers that moved away that I always thought she had gotten along really well with and that she should move to where he lives and marry him. She was less than happy about that and shot back a "why don't you marry him!!". Yikes, yeah I was being kind of a dick. whoops. Don't know why I thought I was being funny. I genuinely wanted to know why nothing ever happened between them, but the 'you should marry him' quip when she has an established bf was not very cool. Sorry Mo :(

So Friday night I'm going out with ecology/turtle guy. I tried to throw the ball back in his court to get him to name a location. We'll see how that turns out. Friday night has been established, somewhere near where I live, but that's the extent of what's been determined. Since he's only lived out here since November it might end up being up to me... Which is ok. I'm just more curious what interests him. I have a feeling that I'll be too 'city' for him, but I'm not going to let that stop me from meeting him. If nothing else I think we could hopefully end up being friends. He sounds really interesting and I'd like to know someone like him - even if he's not "mr. right" for me.

Maybe the other guy I'm writing will be. He's the guy without a 'hook', but I'm thinking there's a chance he might be more on my level. We shall see with time....

One more thing - How do I evaluate each date? Simply on 'how I feel'? Or should I use more criteria?

Things cousins do together

Apparently read my blog at the same time. I got IMs essentially simultaneously from both Justin and Johann about my Audrey - 24 post. Maybe they read it to each other. awwwwwww
One day they'll be like these guys:

OMG

I might have a date friday night!!
Yikes!!
Where do we go?
What do I wear?
Crap I haven't done this in a while...

24

eHarmony is going slowly. I finally wrote that other guy, but no word back. I emailed ecology guy to see if he'd be willing to meet up this weekend - no word yet (hopefully my email didn't go to his spam box). It's still early... I wrote a new match. He's a scientist. He's okay looking - I guess for a scientist. I have a feeling if he's cool he's the type that would grow on a person. His profile wasn't particularly detailed. Oh and I recently changed my preference to only include "not religious" and "spiritual, but not affiliated with a religious group". And I got a match today that was the latter, but put God as one of the top 3 things he was thankful for.

If you haven't watched this week's 24 - SPOILER ALERT....
My theories (and Laura agrees with me)...




I think Milo framed Nadia.
I think Audrey is still alive.

300

300 was an awesome movie - just don't take it *too* seriously. Persians are up in arms saying that 300s depiction of ancient Persia is wrong and negative. Fine - that's probably true, but who gives a shit. It's a movie.

Some Iranians are saying that it's anti-Iranian propaganda trying to fuel American hatred for Iran. This is stupid on so many levels. 1. The Iranian leader is doing plenty all on his own, 2. The story talks about ANCIENT persia - 480 BC, and 3. most imporantly - I'm willing to bet that the average American watching 300 has NO CLUE that Iranians are Persians!!!!! They probably don't even know that 300 takes place in the middle east. Now after all this propaganda they might find out :)

The Iranian bloggers are giving Americans too much credit.

There are bigger fish to fry in the world - Get Over It!

St. Paddy's day aftermath

St. Paddy's day was a lot of fun. My roommate and I threw a party which did pretty well. We bought a bunch of beer, made a ton of jello shots, people brought with them lots of beer and liquor and we were all out by the end of the night! I searched all of San Diego for a shamrock cookie cutter so we could make shamrock shaped jello jigglers. I swear I found the very last one in town at Michaels. I got their last one! Success!!

So on Friday ecology guy sent me a message and in it had his real email. He also said that we should meet up before he leaves on his next trip in 2 weeks. I guess he travels a lot for his work. A 'short' trip for him is 2-3 weeks! For some reason I didn't write him back until tonight. I definitely want to meet him, but maybe I just wanted to take a step back since meeting a person is a bigger deal than emailing one. I'm starting to see some of our differences - he's used to the country, thinks San Diego is big (well it is, but it doesn't phase me in the least), drinks 'several times a year'. All that is fine with me actually, it all depends on how he is in person.

There was this other guy who I'm supposed to write in order to initiate open communication. It's been over a week and I haven't done it. Partly because I'm talking to ecology guy. Am I just not that in to him? Nothing jumped out about him that really impressed me, although nothing jumped out at me that seemed wrong either. Like with ecology guy I'm impressed with his job. But maybe it makes him too 'special' and I will find I don't have enough in common with him. Whereas the other guy could be totally awesome and I'm balking cuz there's no 'hook'. Is that lame?

I entered a March Madness pool. Luckily it's just for fun and not for money. I don't care at all about college basketball, but I enter these things just so I have a clue since everyone else on the planet is obsessed. I don't think I can be doing much worse. Already 3 of my final 4 picks have been eliminated - including the ones I had going to the final match up. Miraculously I'm not in last place... yet. At least I'm better at fantasy football!!

uh oh

Just looked more closely at ecology guy's profile. Under the category 'how often do you drink' he put - a few times a year. Yikes! A YEAR? crap. Maybe there was nothing in between "several times a week" and "several times a year". He did say that on a Saturday night he likes going out for a good meal and maybe a couple drinks. Wonder if he'd be able to deal with the likes of me - someone who advertises herself as Crapulent Val when sending out a party evite.

BTW Crapulent does NOT mean CRAP. It means drunken - to the point of excess! Or as I like to say - getting shitty, but not actually shitting.

Open for business!

So it's been about 2 weeks on eHarmony and finally I'm in "open" communication with someone. It's the ecology guy. He just sent me an email with a gazillion questions, so I guess I should get on that. I think I'm comforted that he's also in the sciences, is familiar with academic science, and therefore should have an idea what my world is like. Sometimes I feel like it's difficult to get people outside of grad school to really understand why we put up with some of the bs we put up with. Hell sometimes I'm not sure why I put up with it! So maybe I feel with another scientist I won't have to justify myself? Also I think scientists/grad students tend to have a certain mentality. I'm deathly afraid of not knowing what the hell to talk "career/suit-folk" about. I should learn since I think I'll end up being one at some point!

There's another guy I'll be in open communication with as soon as I write him an email. Not sure why I'm holding back. I think I'll just take the plunge, but how many people do I really want to be emailing at a time? I have a feeling these things will sort of self select.

I entered a March Madness pool. I don't give 2 shits about college basketball, but everyone else on the planet seems to so I figure I might as well have a clue. (Insert South Park joke here, I swear I can't say "clue" without chuckling to myself). I'm not doing so bad ;)

I gotta vent about one stupid thing. For my St. Paddy's (I assumed it was Patty's but an Irish guy recently corrected me) day party I want to give out a door prize for anyone who puts more effort into what they wear other than wearing green. So I went to Vons, CVS, and Ralphs and they all got jack shit. They have every friggin variety of pastel easter candy - bunnies, eggs, etc, but no f'n chocolate shamrocks or leprechauns. I half considered making little baggies of lucky charms or something. Stupid f'n Jesus and Easter and their ironically pagan rituals.

looking up!

Things have improved since my last post! Maybe it's all the changes I made to my profile (thanks Mo!)?

So post-doc ecology guy is writing with me - he seems cool so far. I tried to see if I could figure out what lab he was from and where he worked etc, but came up empty. I guess I didn't try *that* hard.

Another guy contacted me. He seemed pretty cool. I think he's Indian. So far the only problem is that his answer to my question about how he felt about having opposite sex friendships outside the relationship was that it would probably make him uncomfortable. Hmmmmmm... Not sure I can handle irrational jealousy! We'll see how hardcore he is about it. That could be a deal breaker.

bummer

Cool guy from the last post closed the match with me saying "he's got too much going on in his life right now" Sucks!

The other night I was looking at my new matches and one guy I was totally not attracted to. I don't know why people put pictures in their profile where they don't look their best. Maybe this was the best he could do? I dunno. Anyway I showed him to my roommate lamenting about his unattractiveness. Of course today I check my account and of all the other guys on there this one "requests communication" with me! ugh. I should consider it -he has Chargers season tickets! I should put him 'on hold' until football season...

One match today looked pretty cool. He's an ecologist who studies turtles. How awesome is that?

If you haven't seen 300 yet you're missing out. Men and women can enjoy the rippling abs of these warrior men. It's asskicking and really pretty to watch (in a violent sort of way). I loved it so much I went straight to Amazon when I got home and got the Frank Miller book. I also got another comic book, Watchmen, which is supposed to be a classic. I'm stoked!

Profile update...

Finally, my profile is updated - I added new pictures and changed around some of the "about me" section using my sisters suggestions. So below are the pictures I'm using. Suggestions?

This one is a picture of me in Tyr, Lebanon. It may sound familiar to some of you as it was the town that got attacked really hard during the Israeli-Hezbollah war last summer. I didn't mention anything political on my profile, just the location. I'm hoping it makes me look well traveled ;)


Below is my primary picture. It's in La Jolla taken last year sometime. I want to convey that I like going to scenic places. Additionally I want people to get an honest look at my body-type. I'd hate to get screened out after meeting someone in person. I'd much rather it happen semi-anonymously!


This pic was taken this past January in San Francisco (ok technically just outside of SF since you can see the city in the background).


I put this picture in cuz I think I look good in it ;) Is the cleavage too much?? The pics all together say "this girl likes to travel, she's a little over weight, but damn she has a nice rack!" Hmmmm maybe that's not what I want to say?


On another note - I saw one profile I really liked. I liked his sense of humor - in his pics he'd cover the face of other people in the pictures with faces of B-celebrities like Gary Coleman. I thought it was a clever way to maintain the privacy of his friends and family. I'm hoping he writes me back.

Snazzy Profiles!

A few days back my sister looked over my eHarmony profile. She said that me writing "laid back" makes me look like I smoke a lot of pot. I'm not sure after 30 that's still the assumption, but who knows. Then today she sent me a NY Times article about companies that try to improve your online profiles (for a fee of course). The article said that many people are too vague in their profiles using words like "adventurous", "happy", and of course "laid back". It suggested using examples to describe these vague adjectives like "likes to go back packing", "have a great career, family, and friends", and "likes back yard BBQ parties" instead. I recently edited my sister's resume, so I asked her to edit my profile. I'm curious to see what she comes up with!

I updated my pics on myspace recently and ever since then I've been getting way more 'friend requests' and messages. Not that I want to befriend any of these people, but it told me that I should probably use that picture on my eHarmony profile. Wonder if it'll improve things! Being it's the weekend, things picked up a bit - but still slow for my taste.

On a separate note last night I hung out with a few good friends and checked out the Tractor Room. It's a restaurant across from the Hash House on 5th Ave in Hillcrest that's actually owned by the same people. We had heard there'd be good drinks and atmosphere. Turns out it's more of a restaurant than a bar and it's pricey, but the drinks were really good. Not what we were expecting, but not bad. We ended the night at a gay bar I think was called No 1s. It's a dive bar (also in Hillcrest). We were probably the only straight people there. Some guy approached us with a camera and asked if he could take our picture for the Gay and Lesbian Times. The male in our group declined ;) So I won't be providing links to my pic in the G&L Times anytime soon! Ah well...

Holy crap I just checked the outside temp on my computer and it's 87F!!! I should probably go outside!

Family involvement...

Last night I was talking to my aunt (family - guess which one...). She started recommending men for me. First one was her step son. That was kind of weird! Doesn't help he lives in Florida... Then she suggested a son of one of her old friends who works up in Manhattan and lives in Jersey. I live in California. Granted I do return to the east coast about once a year to visit family, but still... I'm not looking for a long distance relationship. Anyway I agreed to let her give him my email. I figure he'll never in a million years email, and if he did why not email him back.

My sister logged into my eHarmony account an gave me her opinion on some of the guys like "He's cute, when he wears a cap", or "I just thought he looked tired, but then I saw his age!!". She recommended a couple I overlooked so I wrote to them. Still no progress!! One guy I was writing looks like he would really want someone who was more into water activities (I almost said water sports, and man that would have sounded bad!) and was spiritual. I told him flat out that's not my thing, so we'll see what he says.

online dating... week #1

You guessed it I'm single! It yet another effort to "meet Mr. Right" i signed up for eHarmony this past weekend. For those of you who don't know how it works you:

1. Answer a buttload of questions about yourself (I did this drunk... wonder if that'll affect my
matches).

2. eHarmony "introduces" you to a few people.

3. You enter "guided communication" with ones you're interested in. This involves choosing
several questions to ask them, exchanging lists of 10 Must Have's and 10 Can't Stands, etc.

4. If you're still remotely interested you can now enter "open communication". All this
means is that you can start emailing about whatever you want and take it from there.

I've been getting roughly 5 matches a day every day now. On average there's about one that's somewhat interesting. I'm trying to be open minded in terms of looks. Things started off pretty well the first few days of communicating, but they feel somewhat stalled right now. It's kind of lame. Like a match and I will get 'stuck' at a stage of the communication and I dont' get to know why. Maybe they're too lazy to close out the match, or they don't log on daily, who the hell knows...

I'm trying to stay optimistic... See how it goes!