If I want to move into a place by August 1st, is it possible to wait until the first week of July to start looking, or will I be screwing myself? Brian gets back July 1st, and I have started looking around somewhat, but it would be so much better if he was with me!
I'll look around at a few places anyway. In fact, I have an appointment at a place this afternoon. The location is perfect. But I don't know if the apartment will be...
On a different topic. I just joined 24 hour fitness - I can go to any 24 hour fitness for one year (except for the super fancy ones) for $199. That comes out to ~$17/month! Not too bad :)
Now I actually have to start going! I bought it on Friday, it's now Sunday and I can't seem to find the motivation to begin a life of working out...
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
It's been a long time
A few brief updates:
I have now earned the right to have the 3 letters, Ph.D. after my name.
The guy I started blogging about at the inception of this blog is still my boyfriend. We're serious, and it's awesome. The downside is that he's in India right now with his 1st love - turtles. We'll be moving in together in August :) By the way - if you get Zoo News - he has a story there!
I've started a new job as a contracts and business development analyst. It's my foot in the door to the non-academic world. So far I'm a fan. It's liberating not being a student anymore.
I'm excited to become an adult. At 31 I'm ready for it! Over the past couple years I've been settling down in my actions (I don't go out as much, I am not as boy crazy - just for the one! etc.) but I didn't have the life style to go with it. Now, that's starting to come together. The bf and I will move in together in a nice 'adult' apartment. We'll buy nice furniture. We'll discuss our future. I'll invest money in a retirement fund. I can't wait! Until then, I'm updating my wardrobe, throwing away tee-shirts that had holes in them. This weekend I gave away THIRTEEN bags of clothes and shoes to GoodWill! I have so much crap and it needs to GO!
Aside from what's going on in my life, the things most on my mind are - Lebanon and Burma.
The same old sh*t is going down in Lebanon. I hope that one day that place will see extended peace.
Burma is just f'd up. There was a cyclone killing thousands, and for nearly a week the Burmese government/junta refused aid from anyone! The UN delivered aid, and they just left it sitting there on the tarmac. They're starting to come around I think, it's hard to say. But sadly, one boat (I think UN) sank on the way to giving aid. Such a frustrating and sad situation.
Ok, with all that out of the way, maybe future posts can be about more interesting things. Maybe I'll even be emotional enough to rant about something!!
I have now earned the right to have the 3 letters, Ph.D. after my name.
The guy I started blogging about at the inception of this blog is still my boyfriend. We're serious, and it's awesome. The downside is that he's in India right now with his 1st love - turtles. We'll be moving in together in August :) By the way - if you get Zoo News - he has a story there!
I've started a new job as a contracts and business development analyst. It's my foot in the door to the non-academic world. So far I'm a fan. It's liberating not being a student anymore.
I'm excited to become an adult. At 31 I'm ready for it! Over the past couple years I've been settling down in my actions (I don't go out as much, I am not as boy crazy - just for the one! etc.) but I didn't have the life style to go with it. Now, that's starting to come together. The bf and I will move in together in a nice 'adult' apartment. We'll buy nice furniture. We'll discuss our future. I'll invest money in a retirement fund. I can't wait! Until then, I'm updating my wardrobe, throwing away tee-shirts that had holes in them. This weekend I gave away THIRTEEN bags of clothes and shoes to GoodWill! I have so much crap and it needs to GO!
Aside from what's going on in my life, the things most on my mind are - Lebanon and Burma.
The same old sh*t is going down in Lebanon. I hope that one day that place will see extended peace.
Burma is just f'd up. There was a cyclone killing thousands, and for nearly a week the Burmese government/junta refused aid from anyone! The UN delivered aid, and they just left it sitting there on the tarmac. They're starting to come around I think, it's hard to say. But sadly, one boat (I think UN) sank on the way to giving aid. Such a frustrating and sad situation.
Ok, with all that out of the way, maybe future posts can be about more interesting things. Maybe I'll even be emotional enough to rant about something!!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Baja
I just spent the weekend at a beach house in Baja, Mexico. My roommate rented this place out to celebrate her 30th birthday. It was pretty sweet! For $250 a night you get a house on the beach with 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (well one wasn't working), full kitchen, tv, BBQ gas and charcoal grills, huge deck overlooking the water, gated(ish) community, etc... There were about 10 people each night so imagine how cheap the whole thing was! Best part it was ONE HOUR away from my apartment.
I want to plan a family reunion down there. It's almost stupid to not go there more often!
I want to plan a family reunion down there. It's almost stupid to not go there more often!
The great pyramid
I recently have been taking career advice from a VP of a local biotech company. Typically she's been very helpful, but last week's coffee was... interesting.
I've heard from others who have had coffee with her that after giving valid career advice she ends up asking them to be part of a potential pyramid scheme! Both people I've heard this from did not see it coming and felt shitty and manipulated afterwards. Last week she asked me if I wanted to get coffee. Interested to understand why a prominent business person was preying on broke graduate students to be part of a shady business scheme I agreed to meet with her.
The first half of our meeting was great. She was very helpful. She then offered me a business "opportunity". She went into a long pitch about how great these vitamins and health supplements she's selling are, how she uses them herself, and how she attributes her recent health to them (even though she recently started eating better and working out). She then introduced me to the business plan. Basically it was a hand out with a picture of a freaking pyramid on it! No joke. Anyway, I (nicely) told her that I didn't have the market to sell these overpriced vitamins too ($35 for a month's supply!). I also told her that I would look further into the company since she still seemed intent in having me join.
So yesterday I sent her an email thanking her for the opportunity, but would have to decline. I also wanted to bring to her attention recent troubling events. Turns out the company she's working for is currently under investigation by the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC) for being a pyramid scheme and for having its science board fudge their credentials! So I sent her some websites to see for her self and said I hoped for her sake that these claims against the company were false.
I don't know if she knew this ahead of time or what. She spoke like she thought she was doing me a favor. So weird....
Today she wrote me back. She gave me a contact name I had requested in the email, but said NOTHING about what I told her about her company! How weird is that?!
I also found out that yet ANOTHER friend was approached by her! So unprofessional!
I've heard from others who have had coffee with her that after giving valid career advice she ends up asking them to be part of a potential pyramid scheme! Both people I've heard this from did not see it coming and felt shitty and manipulated afterwards. Last week she asked me if I wanted to get coffee. Interested to understand why a prominent business person was preying on broke graduate students to be part of a shady business scheme I agreed to meet with her.
The first half of our meeting was great. She was very helpful. She then offered me a business "opportunity". She went into a long pitch about how great these vitamins and health supplements she's selling are, how she uses them herself, and how she attributes her recent health to them (even though she recently started eating better and working out). She then introduced me to the business plan. Basically it was a hand out with a picture of a freaking pyramid on it! No joke. Anyway, I (nicely) told her that I didn't have the market to sell these overpriced vitamins too ($35 for a month's supply!). I also told her that I would look further into the company since she still seemed intent in having me join.
So yesterday I sent her an email thanking her for the opportunity, but would have to decline. I also wanted to bring to her attention recent troubling events. Turns out the company she's working for is currently under investigation by the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC) for being a pyramid scheme and for having its science board fudge their credentials! So I sent her some websites to see for her self and said I hoped for her sake that these claims against the company were false.
I don't know if she knew this ahead of time or what. She spoke like she thought she was doing me a favor. So weird....
Today she wrote me back. She gave me a contact name I had requested in the email, but said NOTHING about what I told her about her company! How weird is that?!
I also found out that yet ANOTHER friend was approached by her! So unprofessional!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
The latest and greatest.
I think I have a boyfriend! Things with ecology guy have been going really well. I'm really stoked on him and on us. Curious to see where it goes! I just sent him off for another month long trip to Asia. Bummer! (for me anyway, I'm sure it'll be great for him). In some ways for me it's a good transition from single-dom to couple-dom. When he's gone I take advantage of that time to spend lots of time with friends and catch up on other stuff. So I have a positive outlook on it, but with each trip it's getting harder to see him go...
On another note my November trip to Prague is looking to be crazy! So far 15-17 people are confirmed going! Unbelievable. I figure we'll be splitting off into groups. It's hard to get that many people to agree on everything for a week! Not to mention - what restaurant would be able to accommodate us all! I know it'll be a fun time :)
On another note my November trip to Prague is looking to be crazy! So far 15-17 people are confirmed going! Unbelievable. I figure we'll be splitting off into groups. It's hard to get that many people to agree on everything for a week! Not to mention - what restaurant would be able to accommodate us all! I know it'll be a fun time :)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Sequoia National Park
Here are a few pics from the recent Sequoia trip. Note - I did not take these pics, they are a mixture of pics from Jen, Mahru, Ravi, Adam, and Katie.
The first day we went to Crystal Cave. There were some cool formations there.
Later that night, Jen provided us all with glow sticks and the creative juices started to flow...
The second day we hiked a 11 mile round trip hike along the Lake Trail. This near the end - Heather Lake. It was incredible.
Group shot at the Watchtower - part of the Lake Trail.
Here we are hiking back from the Lake Trail. Look how high up we are.
Hiking back along the Lake Trail. Notice how we're going downhill. That means the whole way there we were going UPhill!
Along the trail we came across a Yellow Bellied Marmot! He was cool :)
Sunset at the campground the second night. It really looked that red!
Last, but not least we took a group shot by General Sherman Tree. The largest living thing on earth by volume!
All in all it was a fantastic trip!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Granite Rocks
Since my last post things continue to go well with the guy. He's been in a couple social situations with my friends now. They so far all think he's great. My sister was in town this past week and he met her as well. So far so good! Hopefully I pass similar tests with his friends...
My sis was in town recently and it was a lot of fun having her around. We got to go to the zoo, check out some good restaurants, went shopping, went to the beach, went to Shout House with Justin, and last but not least went to Sequoia National Park with a group of friends. I'll have to post pics shortly.
Sequoia was awesome. I was a bit unsure about going there as I felt it wouldn't compare to Yosemite. Well I was wrong. They are definitely comparable. Yosemite has more impressive waterfalls, but Sequoia is much less populated and still has the incredible granite formations and crazy vistas with trees going for miles and miles. Because it's less populated there's more opportunity to see wildlife. We saw quite a few brown bears - including bear cubs! There were quite a few pretty birds and we also saw a yellow bellied marmot. The highlight of the trip had to have been Heather Lake. We took a 11 mile round trip hike into the sierras and came across this beautiful, pristine, magical lake. Even better, there was a bear there! Fortunately he was across the lake so we didn't have to worry about him. After a grueling constant uphill hike the lake was a welcome resting spot. Well worth the effort!!
I'm really glad I've been missing out on work! In my absence, the lab was flooded! A pipe under the sink broke. The office floors were soaked and there were blowers and dehumidifiers making a whole lot of noise. People are working, but it's chaos and highly annoying! Glad I've been gone!
My sis was in town recently and it was a lot of fun having her around. We got to go to the zoo, check out some good restaurants, went shopping, went to the beach, went to Shout House with Justin, and last but not least went to Sequoia National Park with a group of friends. I'll have to post pics shortly.
Sequoia was awesome. I was a bit unsure about going there as I felt it wouldn't compare to Yosemite. Well I was wrong. They are definitely comparable. Yosemite has more impressive waterfalls, but Sequoia is much less populated and still has the incredible granite formations and crazy vistas with trees going for miles and miles. Because it's less populated there's more opportunity to see wildlife. We saw quite a few brown bears - including bear cubs! There were quite a few pretty birds and we also saw a yellow bellied marmot. The highlight of the trip had to have been Heather Lake. We took a 11 mile round trip hike into the sierras and came across this beautiful, pristine, magical lake. Even better, there was a bear there! Fortunately he was across the lake so we didn't have to worry about him. After a grueling constant uphill hike the lake was a welcome resting spot. Well worth the effort!!
I'm really glad I've been missing out on work! In my absence, the lab was flooded! A pipe under the sink broke. The office floors were soaked and there were blowers and dehumidifiers making a whole lot of noise. People are working, but it's chaos and highly annoying! Glad I've been gone!
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Fleeting brilliance
I just had my committee meeting yesterday. Should be my last until it's time to defend my thesis! It's nice to not feel like I completely suck at what I'm doing. I still don't want to touch it with a 10 foot pole once I'm out.
On a separate note. One minute I'm brilliant, then next I'm a dumbass. Things continue to go well with the guy. He met my roommate the other day. Then yesterday he asked if he got the roommate approval. I said yes. I also said "I'm glad because it would suck if my roommate didn't like my boyfriend". FOOT - ENTER - Mouth. In my defense I had been drinking at the time that I said this. I didn't *really* mean it that way either. More like 'boyfriend' is easier to say than 'guy I'm seeing'. And if I did have a bf, it would suck if my roomie didn't like him. Anyway I apologized profusely (which probably made it worse). Luckily, he didn't flinch at it. He brushed it off jokingly that I was trying to put a 'label' on him. So probably not a big deal. I just wanted to kick myself.
On a separate note. One minute I'm brilliant, then next I'm a dumbass. Things continue to go well with the guy. He met my roommate the other day. Then yesterday he asked if he got the roommate approval. I said yes. I also said "I'm glad because it would suck if my roommate didn't like my boyfriend". FOOT - ENTER - Mouth. In my defense I had been drinking at the time that I said this. I didn't *really* mean it that way either. More like 'boyfriend' is easier to say than 'guy I'm seeing'. And if I did have a bf, it would suck if my roomie didn't like him. Anyway I apologized profusely (which probably made it worse). Luckily, he didn't flinch at it. He brushed it off jokingly that I was trying to put a 'label' on him. So probably not a big deal. I just wanted to kick myself.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
It's all good..
I was originally disappointed that I hadn't heard from Ecology guy after he got back into the states. I had thought he had returned, was in town for a day, and headed back out to Mexico. He called me this morning. He arrived to LA late last night and the Mexico trip was canceled and he invited me to spend the day with him and his friends in LA. I had to decline cuz I'm too friggin busy with my committee meeting. But I'm glad/relieved that he ended up calling as soon as he got back.
It made me realize that what was missing was security. I don't know enough about what he feels/thinks about me to be confident that he'll call when he gets back. The confidence however is building. It's hard to deal with unknowns. Especially when I've been burned in a similar way several times in the past. (The past couple years and 3 failed relationships have led me to believe that trips are the kiss of death for an early relationship, then again the trips were always mine).
Anyway I'm glad that he's back and that he called. Looks like we'll try to get together this week if I can get away from working on my important meeting next week. (maybe if i stopped blogging...)
It made me realize that what was missing was security. I don't know enough about what he feels/thinks about me to be confident that he'll call when he gets back. The confidence however is building. It's hard to deal with unknowns. Especially when I've been burned in a similar way several times in the past. (The past couple years and 3 failed relationships have led me to believe that trips are the kiss of death for an early relationship, then again the trips were always mine).
Anyway I'm glad that he's back and that he called. Looks like we'll try to get together this week if I can get away from working on my important meeting next week. (maybe if i stopped blogging...)
Friday, June 29, 2007
Too busy!
Ecology guy has been overseas and I haven't heard from him. I'm guessing he's email deprived in some remote location. Kind of a bummer, but what can you do...
On the other hand, I've been way too busy to emotionally worry about the above thankfully. A good friend is leaving San Diego permanently tonight so there's been several 'good-bye' events in her honor. I've had my extracurricular responsibilities, friends birthdays, cat sitting, and last but not least I've been stressing out over my thesis committee meeting. I found out about a week ago that I'm going to have it on July 6th. This will be the meeting that tells me what I need to do in order to graduate! Yikes. So high stress all around.
In the meantime at one of the going away party my lab mates and I went to the top of the Ivy Hotel to this rooftop bar called Eden. Here's a pic from that night. Don't we look fabulous?!
On the other hand, I've been way too busy to emotionally worry about the above thankfully. A good friend is leaving San Diego permanently tonight so there's been several 'good-bye' events in her honor. I've had my extracurricular responsibilities, friends birthdays, cat sitting, and last but not least I've been stressing out over my thesis committee meeting. I found out about a week ago that I'm going to have it on July 6th. This will be the meeting that tells me what I need to do in order to graduate! Yikes. So high stress all around.
In the meantime at one of the going away party my lab mates and I went to the top of the Ivy Hotel to this rooftop bar called Eden. Here's a pic from that night. Don't we look fabulous?!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Yum!
I just came back from a fabulous dinner. One of my cousins graduated with his MBA today (congrats!!) so afterwards we celebrated by going out to dinner at La Bastide Bistro.
Despite being in a strip mall it had a great atmosphere and tasty food. It's a bit pricey, but the quality is great. One thing I have to rave about was the salad I had:
The goat cheese croutons were actually covered in the lavender honey. They honey sort of hardened over it and there were a few crushed nuts over it. And the croutons were really just slices of bread. The lavender honey covered goat cheese was one of the best things I've ever tasted. It was a perfect complement of sweet and salty and the crouton provided a bit of crunch to the creamy cheese. To die for. I've since checked the internet for how to recreate this at home and have found that the combination is fairly common. Additionally I've found that lavender honey is made by honeybees that feed on lavender! Neat.
The other thing worth noting was my cousin's dessert. He had a raspberry sorbet which I was fortunate enough to taste. Typically I find sorbets boring. This was certainly an exception. Each bite tasted like 1000 raspberries exploding with flavor in your mouth. Not to mention it was nice cold and creamy too.
I haven't come home that satisfied by a meal in a long time. Yum.
Despite being in a strip mall it had a great atmosphere and tasty food. It's a bit pricey, but the quality is great. One thing I have to rave about was the salad I had:
Goat Cheese Croutons, Apple, Lavender Honey, Pine Nuts, Walnut, Truffle Dressing $13
The goat cheese croutons were actually covered in the lavender honey. They honey sort of hardened over it and there were a few crushed nuts over it. And the croutons were really just slices of bread. The lavender honey covered goat cheese was one of the best things I've ever tasted. It was a perfect complement of sweet and salty and the crouton provided a bit of crunch to the creamy cheese. To die for. I've since checked the internet for how to recreate this at home and have found that the combination is fairly common. Additionally I've found that lavender honey is made by honeybees that feed on lavender! Neat.
The other thing worth noting was my cousin's dessert. He had a raspberry sorbet which I was fortunate enough to taste. Typically I find sorbets boring. This was certainly an exception. Each bite tasted like 1000 raspberries exploding with flavor in your mouth. Not to mention it was nice cold and creamy too.
I haven't come home that satisfied by a meal in a long time. Yum.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Going with the flow...
Since my last post things have been going really well between this guy and I. He even met a couple of my friends (who thought he was great). Not sure where things are headed, but so far things are good and I'm having fun. Things will have to progress somewhat slowly because he's once again out of town. This time for about a month - yikes! It's fine because I've got a ton on my plate with work and other activities. I'm a little bummed about it, but I'm mostly excited that he gets to check out somewhere new and then tell me all about it when he gets back. (assuming things are where they left off...)
In other news - I recently got a great career opportunity. I had an informational interview last week with someone who does PR. We got along really well. She understood how tough grad school can be on a person who doesn't want to do research any more. So she offered me an opportunity to work on a project with her company. This will be a great foot in the door for me. Not to mention I'll get some real life experience with PR and make sure it's what I really want to do. From what I can tell this project will involve me helping to plan a party and facilitate a relationship between this company and a non-profit I already volunteer with. I'm excited to see where this goes!
In other news - I recently got a great career opportunity. I had an informational interview last week with someone who does PR. We got along really well. She understood how tough grad school can be on a person who doesn't want to do research any more. So she offered me an opportunity to work on a project with her company. This will be a great foot in the door for me. Not to mention I'll get some real life experience with PR and make sure it's what I really want to do. From what I can tell this project will involve me helping to plan a party and facilitate a relationship between this company and a non-profit I already volunteer with. I'm excited to see where this goes!
Friday, May 18, 2007
Success!
I thought that my blogs about my experiences on eHarmony would be about bad dates, weird-o guys, stupid things guys have said, amusing anecdotes, and possibly even reviews of where we went.
Obviously that has not been the case. Unlike my previous experience on yahoo personals, where I went out on multiple dates with multiple guys, my experience on eHarmony has been different. I've been out with only one guy and all the other options have kind of sucked.
Fortunately the one guy has been great! We went out again last night (3rd date). My positive outlook after our 2nd date has been reconfirmed. Honestly it's refreshing and I'm pretty stoked on it. What's really cool is that I'm not wondering what he's thinking. He's pretty open which helps me feel comfortable enough to be open as well. What was obvious from last nights date was that something is there and it's mutual.
Who knows, things could fizzle out in a few weeks, we could get to know each other better and realize we don't really like each other all that much and that he's not who I thought he was and vice versa. But maybe that won't happen...
Obviously that has not been the case. Unlike my previous experience on yahoo personals, where I went out on multiple dates with multiple guys, my experience on eHarmony has been different. I've been out with only one guy and all the other options have kind of sucked.
Fortunately the one guy has been great! We went out again last night (3rd date). My positive outlook after our 2nd date has been reconfirmed. Honestly it's refreshing and I'm pretty stoked on it. What's really cool is that I'm not wondering what he's thinking. He's pretty open which helps me feel comfortable enough to be open as well. What was obvious from last nights date was that something is there and it's mutual.
Who knows, things could fizzle out in a few weeks, we could get to know each other better and realize we don't really like each other all that much and that he's not who I thought he was and vice versa. But maybe that won't happen...
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
update...
I've become like every other blogger. All gung-ho in the beginning, writing an entry every day only to become sporadic at best. Oh well...
Honestly I've been feeling somewhat negative lately so I don't really feel like imposing my self pity on my readers. School of course is the main culprit (re the previous 2 posts).
Things have been slow with ecology guy. Still haven't seen him since our last date. However, we've made plans to get together this Thursday. Woo hoo! Hopefully things are still good. I'm not really sure what I should be thinking at this point.
One thing I've been excited about lately is the Women in bioScience conference I'm helping to organize with AWIS (the Association for Women in Science). After quite a few months it's finally going to happen this Saturday. I've really enjoyed learning how something like this is put together and working with different people to get it done. It's nice to see your own contributions towards something in place and recognized. I've helped put together the brochure that every attendee will receive and I've helped get the word out about the event. I'm psyched to see the culmination of every one's hard work.
On a lighter note I got my hair cut. I went to this place in Hillcrest called Gila Rut. My roommate recommended it to me. For the price of a standard salon hair cut you also get a quick massage and facial! Pretty sweet if you ask me. Since it was my first time the make up artist did my make up for free as well. It was a good experience! I recommend it...
Honestly I've been feeling somewhat negative lately so I don't really feel like imposing my self pity on my readers. School of course is the main culprit (re the previous 2 posts).
Things have been slow with ecology guy. Still haven't seen him since our last date. However, we've made plans to get together this Thursday. Woo hoo! Hopefully things are still good. I'm not really sure what I should be thinking at this point.
One thing I've been excited about lately is the Women in bioScience conference I'm helping to organize with AWIS (the Association for Women in Science). After quite a few months it's finally going to happen this Saturday. I've really enjoyed learning how something like this is put together and working with different people to get it done. It's nice to see your own contributions towards something in place and recognized. I've helped put together the brochure that every attendee will receive and I've helped get the word out about the event. I'm psyched to see the culmination of every one's hard work.
On a lighter note I got my hair cut. I went to this place in Hillcrest called Gila Rut. My roommate recommended it to me. For the price of a standard salon hair cut you also get a quick massage and facial! Pretty sweet if you ask me. Since it was my first time the make up artist did my make up for free as well. It was a good experience! I recommend it...
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
drama
Sorry. Sometimes a person feels overly dramatic.
The issues still exist, but I'm less upset by them.
Taking the day off and sitting at the beach in 80F weather helps.
The issues still exist, but I'm less upset by them.
Taking the day off and sitting at the beach in 80F weather helps.
Piled Higher and Deeper. It's true what they say.
This post has nothing to do with boys.
It's 9:22AM and I am dreading going back there.
The only thing that really gets me going back are the people.
Fortunately I don't have to worry about tensions with coworkers.
That's the one upside.
Imagine going to a place where you have to fight to keep your head above water.
Where you try and try and try and still fail.
Where the only way out is to keep on trying.
Where the thing you're trying to accomplish isn't even all that exciting or interesting.
Where even IF you were to one day succeed you would never think that it was all worth it.
I feel like the mythological guy who has to keep pushing a boulder up a hill only to have it roll back down on him as soon as he gets close.
How important is it really to finish getting this damn Ph.D.? Really the only reasons I stick with it is because I don't have a well formulated Plan B. Once I leave there's no turning back. If I go on without it I'm afraid I'll discover I really needed it. I fear limiting myself. Then again in some ways I'm limiting myself by proceeding with it.
Even if I do finish it, I don't think my thesis will be particularly good. I'm afraid of facing all my friends, colleagues, and committee in my thesis defense and having them all talk behind my back about how I don't really deserve it (they do it to others, I don't feel I'm immune). I know I've worked at it, have had bad luck, and don't want to be a scientist anyway. That doesn't make it all better. I'd lie if I said I didn't care. It's an awful feeling to put years of your life towards something to have it not respected by anyone, not even yourself. To have it feel like it's for nothing (or at least not 6-7 years of ones life worth). I'm so incredibly tired of trying to figure out what I want to do next with or without the Ph.D. I hate being 30 and having such little direction.
And now I have to somehow find the motivation to go back there and do it another day.
It's 9:22AM and I am dreading going back there.
The only thing that really gets me going back are the people.
Fortunately I don't have to worry about tensions with coworkers.
That's the one upside.
Imagine going to a place where you have to fight to keep your head above water.
Where you try and try and try and still fail.
Where the only way out is to keep on trying.
Where the thing you're trying to accomplish isn't even all that exciting or interesting.
Where even IF you were to one day succeed you would never think that it was all worth it.
I feel like the mythological guy who has to keep pushing a boulder up a hill only to have it roll back down on him as soon as he gets close.
How important is it really to finish getting this damn Ph.D.? Really the only reasons I stick with it is because I don't have a well formulated Plan B. Once I leave there's no turning back. If I go on without it I'm afraid I'll discover I really needed it. I fear limiting myself. Then again in some ways I'm limiting myself by proceeding with it.
Even if I do finish it, I don't think my thesis will be particularly good. I'm afraid of facing all my friends, colleagues, and committee in my thesis defense and having them all talk behind my back about how I don't really deserve it (they do it to others, I don't feel I'm immune). I know I've worked at it, have had bad luck, and don't want to be a scientist anyway. That doesn't make it all better. I'd lie if I said I didn't care. It's an awful feeling to put years of your life towards something to have it not respected by anyone, not even yourself. To have it feel like it's for nothing (or at least not 6-7 years of ones life worth). I'm so incredibly tired of trying to figure out what I want to do next with or without the Ph.D. I hate being 30 and having such little direction.
And now I have to somehow find the motivation to go back there and do it another day.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
the waiting game & TOOL!!
So I decided to make the next move and email him. I felt like the ball was in my court. We went out Sunday and I emailed him Wednesday afternoon and basically said I had a good time, told him what I was up to this week, and asked if he wanted to get together over the weekend. Now I wait... While I wait I wonder if I should have been more general and say 'get together sometime' instead of 'this weekend'. I wonder if this weekend is too soon... Guess I'll find out!
Last night I went to see TOOL last night at Cox Arena. DAMN they're amazing. Everything was awesome about it - the set list, the visuals, the music, the crowd energy. The concert was originally supposed to be held a couple months ago, but the drummer injured his arm and they rescheduled it for May. Last night he stopped to ice his arm for a little while and then went right back into drumming. Despite the injury he was still incredible.
Honestly I didn't realize how much I liked the new album until I heard it live. I liked it fine, but I felt it was missing something I used to experience listening to previous Tool albums. I think I'm over that now :)
Last night I went to see TOOL last night at Cox Arena. DAMN they're amazing. Everything was awesome about it - the set list, the visuals, the music, the crowd energy. The concert was originally supposed to be held a couple months ago, but the drummer injured his arm and they rescheduled it for May. Last night he stopped to ice his arm for a little while and then went right back into drumming. Despite the injury he was still incredible.
Honestly I didn't realize how much I liked the new album until I heard it live. I liked it fine, but I felt it was missing something I used to experience listening to previous Tool albums. I think I'm over that now :)
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